New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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