Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize