sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
The adults are the big ones right?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
