I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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