Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
