he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
