Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
