If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
