everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
