i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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