I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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