Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
false alarm. still invincible.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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