Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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