its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
