Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
