Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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