I have demons in me.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
