A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
