Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
