I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
