you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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