I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
