dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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