Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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