Soap is not a condiment
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
