So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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