Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
