Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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