Apparently you make a good broom.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Randomize
