so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
