i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
