it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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