every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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