im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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