I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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