she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
