Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Randomize
