The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
