Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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