Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
