It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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