im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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