I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
