Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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