people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Sorry about my life...
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
