You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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