i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
