Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
