so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
