she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
