I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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