Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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