He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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