I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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