the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
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Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize