apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
