Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
