So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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