home. puking in laundry basket.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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