I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
