she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
